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Friends
don't let friends
take home ugly men
Women's
restroom
Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE
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Beauty
is only a light switch away.
Perkins
Library, Duke University, Durham, NC
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If
life is a waste of time,
and time is a waste of life,
then let's all get wasted together
and have the time of our lives.
Armand's
Pizza, Washington, DC
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Remember,
it's not,
"How high are you?"
it's
"Hi, how are you?"
Rest stop
off Route 81, West Virginia
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No
matter how good she looks,
some other guy is sick and tired
of putting up with her crap.
Men's
Room
Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC
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At
the feast of ego
everyone leaves hungry.
Bentley's
House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, AZ
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It's
hard to make a comeback
when you haven't been anywhere.
Written
in the dust
on the back of a bus,
Wickenburg, AZ
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Make
love, not war.
-Hell, do both
GET MARRIED!
Women's
restroom
The Filling Station, Bozeman, MT
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If
voting could really change things,
it would be illegal.
Revolution
Books
New York, New York.
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A
Woman's Rule of Thumb:
If it has tires or testicles,
you're going to have trouble with it.
Women's
restroom
Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, TX
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If
pro is opposite of con,
then what is the opposite of progress?
Congress!
Men's restroom
House of Representatives, Washington, DC
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Express Lane:
Five beers or less
Sign over
one of the urinals
Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, AZ
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You're
too good for him.
Sign over
mirror in Women's restroom
Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills,CA.
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No
wonder you always go home alone.
Sign over
mirror in Men's restroom,
Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills,CA
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On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're
#1 in the #2 business."
**************************
Sign
over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
**************************
At
a Proctologist's door
"To
expedite your visit please back in."
**************************
On
a Plumber's truck:
"We
repair what your husband fixed."
**************************
On
a Plumber's truck:
"Don't
sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
**************************
At
a Towing company:
"We
don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************
On
an Electrician's truck:
"Let
us remove your shorts."
**************************
In
a Nonsmoking Area:
"If
we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take
appropriate action."
**************************
On
a Maternity Room door:
"Push.
Push. Push."
**************************
At
an Optometrist's Office
"If
you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
**************************
In
a Podiatrist's office:
"Time
wounds all heels."
**************************
On
a Fence:
"Salesmen
welcome ! Dog food is expensive."
**************************
At
a Car Dealership:
"The
best way to get back on your feet - miss a car
payment."
**************************
In
a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be
back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
At
the Electric Company:
"We
would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However,
if you don't, you will be."
**************************
In
a Restaurant window:
"Don't
stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed
up."
**************************
In
the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station,
"Tank
heaven for little grills."
**************************
And
don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best
place in town to take a leak."
=====================================
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Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an
asshole.
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Impotence...Nature's
way of saying "No hard feelings,"
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The
proctologist called
...they found your head.
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Everyone
has a photographic memory
...some just don't have any film.
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Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
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Your ridiculous little
opinion has been noted.
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I
used to have a handle
on life...but it broke off.
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WANTED: Meaningful
overnight relationship.
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Guys...just
because you have one,
doesn't mean you have to be one.
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Some
people just don't know how to drive...
I call these people "Everybody But
Me,"
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Heart
Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal
friends.
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Don't like my driving?
Then quit watching me.
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If you can read this...I
can
slam on my brakes and sue you.
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Some
people are only alive because it is illegal to
shoot them.
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Try
not to let your mind wander...It is too small
and fragile to be out by itself.
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Welcome to America
...now speak English
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For
centuries, Hindu women have worn a red spot
on their foreheads. We have naively thought it had something
to do with their religion.
The Indian Embassy in Washington DC has just revealed the
true story. When one of these women gets married, on her
wedding night, the husband scratches off the red spot to
see if he has won a convenience store, a gas station, or
a motel in Florida.
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